Happily Ever Never

A crackle of the leaves, the creek of a door, a whisper in the shadows… her own shadow. It’s not that she’s watched too many scary movies… she has, but that’s beside the point. It’s much more than that.

Everywhere she turns, there he is one step ahead of her.

How can someone go from being your best friend to your worst enemy? Don’t ask her. She’s obviously the worst judge of character.

She used to think happily ever after’s were real. Now she’s not so sure.

When she watches a chick flick, any chick flick, she sits there in disgust. Girl meets boy, boy flirts with girl, girl and boy fight over something stupid, they kiss and make up, they live ‘happily ever after’. Typical. But this doesn’t happen in real life. Especially not for her.

Sleeping with the enemy? That’s more her style. Had she known she was about to sleep with the enemy, she would have steered clear and saved herself a lot of pain and tears. However, she can’t regret that decision as she would rather take the pain and the tears and multiply it by infinity than lose her son.

It’s true that she’s afraid of her own shadow. Afraid that what she thinks is her own shadow, is actually his.

Every time she turns her back, he strikes. So many secrets, so many lies, so much manipulation. And not enough space in either one of their brains to keep track of it all.

She’s done everything she can to keep him out of her life, but somehow (and illegally for that matter) he keeps coming back.

What can she do to move on with her life? Will she have to take it to a new extreme?

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Dear Diary: Mommy’s Nap Time

Dear Diary,

I don’t use the word “hate” very often, but I think this calls for the strong word. I hate when you’re beyond tired, but the universe does everything it can to prevent you from napping.

I’m not one who’s big on naps, but when I need a nap, I need a nap.

What happens when your kid finally lays down for a nap and you finally get to take one of your own?
 

You toss and you turn

All of a sudden you can’t get comfortable no matter what position you’re in.

You imagine your life as its not

I like fake dream about random things like what it would be like if we were at the pool right now or going to the airport and running into Shac and how I would react. Is this normal?

You think about weird things

I feel like that ^ qualifies as the same thing.

You think about all the things you could be doing instead of napping

For instance, cleaning the house so it looks less like  a tornado ran through it, errands to run, blogs to write, food to eat while I have the chance.

The smallest sounds become more prominent

Ugh, I mist have left change in my jeans pocket before turning on the dryer. Is the freezer buzzing or is that just me? I wish the neighbors upstairs would just shut the hell up. Shit why are my ears ringing?

The TV is a distraction, but you don’t want to turn it off because you don’t want to miss anything cool on Flea Market Flip even though you know you’re trying to go to sleep so you record every episode just in case, but then you watch the rest of the episode anyway

It makes no sense.

People text you

Ohh, now that I want to go to sleep you decide to text me? What about yesterday when I needed your help? It’s all on your time. I see how it is.

You think about things you can’t do

Like go to the movies because I don’t have a sitter and I feel like it may be inappropriate to bring my 11-month-old to see Insidious: Chapter 3 (even though deep down I’m still considering that as an option).

Use all the weird shit that you think about as blog ideas

To where you keep interrupting your sleep by picking up your notebook and jotting down each thing before you fall asleep and forget.

 

Then my son wakes up.

No nap for you mom, he thinks in his little head while holding back a smile and a chuckle.

Dear Diary: Pet Peeves

Dear Diary,

I have two big pet peeves. Breaking loudly and seeing one dumb shoe on the side of the road.

First of all, breathing loudly. Come on people. Why do you have to breathe so damn loud? You sound like you just ran a mile when all you’re doing is standing here waiting in line for a latte. Close your mouth and breathe through your nose. I just hate the sound of it. I don’t know why. It just creeps me out and gives me the willies.

Secondly, seeing ONE show on the side of the road… This one seriously gets me going on a rant. I literally get angry and could go on for days. How the fuck do you leave ONE SHOE behind?!

I was at a hotel for my best friend’s bachelorette party a couple years ago (yes, this has been an ongoing pet peeve for a while). As I was walking down the stairs, I noticed that someone left ONE FLIP FLOP on the stairs. HOW does that happen? Did your little brain not realize that when you were walking down to the pool you slipped out of one of your shoes which then caused you to feel the burning hot concrete on only ONE of your feet? Please explain this.

What about when there’s one shoe in the middle of the road. Whether it’s on the highway, the back roads, or in a culdesac… HOW?! Yeah, maybe a kid threw their shoe out the window on the highway. I can sort of kind of see that. But that can’t be the reason every time. There’s too many for that to be the only answer.

If i could track down all these people, I would. I would find them and say, “Hey are you missing something?” And after they look at me and tilt their head all confused-like, I would look down at their feet, one shoe on one shoe off, and say, “You’re missing one of your damn shoes. What the hell happened and why didn’t you go back to get it? The fact that it’s a shoe doesn’t mean it doesn’t count as littering AND it’s pissing people off. Now go get it. It’s on 17th street between the Taco Bell and the McDonald’s.” If only.

Every time I see one on the road, I literally roll my eyes and grunt. I can’t stand it.

I have problems, I know.

What are some of your pet peeves?

 

Dear Diary: Regret

Dear diary,

As I lie here on my couch watching Disney Channel with my son snoring on my chest, I think about how much different my life would have been if I made just a few changes.

If I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend when I was 16 by kissing another boy, we could have been married by now with little half Asian children.

If I actually showed up to school and made good grades instead of drinking and partying and skipping class, maybe I would have gotten into a university and began my career by now.

If I continued onto the path of Medical Assisting after spending so much money on schooling, maybe I would be working in a hospital or starting my nursing career.

If I listened to all my friends and family and broke up with my boyfriend when the abuse began, I wouldn’t have my son.

I’ve made so many mistakes, diary, but that’s the thing. We all make mistakes. There’s a meaning behind everything that I’ve done in my life; good and bad.

The most important being that I have my son. His father may not be the best person alive, but I’ve learned a heck of a lot by continuing to put up with his constant emotional, physical, and psychological abuse.

At the end of my reflection, I tell myself to never regret. The bad things make you who you are and I love where I’ve come and the lessons I’ve learned.